After every miscarriage and pregnancy or infant loss every women processes the loss differently. Some may question God, others may not want to go to church. Many don't want to be around pregnant women or children. We all have different struggles we wrestle with and through after a loss. Below are 7 Struggles after a Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss and what you can do to heal through them.
- Trying Again- Making Decision to try again to conceive and then not conceiving right away. This one is tough because you want to be pregnant, but can’t get pregnant. Sometimes you have to step back and really examine your why. Is it too soon? Do you have any stressors that could cause you to not ovulate consistently? Have you worked through your grief with your coach, counselor, or therapist? I lay out more questions to ask yourself on this in my Trying Again Series blog posts.
- Social Media - Pregnant women/girl friends/facebook friends. Social media is a struggle for those who don’t want to see other pregnant women, Facebook friends and associates after their loss. This was a major struggle for me after my losses. I had to disconnect from social media and not play the comparison game. I had to refocus my attention to my feelings of jealousy and envy and what was causing them. I had to work through my grief and feelings around my loss. I challenge you to take a social media break if you start to feel envy in your heart towards other pregnant women on social. Maybe start with 3 days off then actually do the work to understand why you are feeling that way. Gradually make your way back to social after you have worked through the envy of jealousy in your heart.
- Failure of Body - For many women I have interviewed on the #EMMPodcast they have experienced other complications of women issues that led to their loss. Feeling like your body has failed you is a struggle. If you don’t work through this then you will take these feelings into your next pregnancy. For me, I had to really dig deep and ask God to give me confidence that my body could carry another child after my diagnosis with cervical incompetence. Go to God with your request he will help you regain confidence that he created you in his image and your body can bear fruit and a baby.
- Attending Baby Showers - Sometimes going to Baby Showers, seeing baby clothes, or being around an excited expectant mother is a struggle after loss. If you are unsure of your feelings towards celebrating baby and expectant mom, please do not go. Politely decline the invitation and if they are friends, family, associates they should be sensitive to your request.
- Loosing Baby Weight - Le Struggle to lose baby weight was difficult for me. After my son BJ died and I left the hospital empty handed. I still looked pregnant. Complete strangers and people I knew were like how many months are you a few months after my loss. I felt terrible because I could not shake this weight. I had to come to terms that it took me almost 10 months to gain the extra pounds and it will take me that long to lose them. I started to work on myself through counseling and then started to work out. The pounds melted off once I was able to let go and get out of my own head and way.
- Not Being a Mother - When you lose a child that you wanted so much, your mind is wrapped around that new role of a mother that wasn’t fulfilled. You constantly struggle with Holidays like Mother’s Day because you don’t have a child physically here. I am here to tell you. You are a mother. Your baby did exist. A mother is not defined by the number of children you see, but by the love she holds in her heart.
- Lack of Motivation - Do you struggle with not being about to “do” or just not motivated to complete your tasks? This is very true after loss we typically revert inward and focus on ourselves that it is difficult to complete tasks. If this is you and you need someone to help talk you through this and hold you accountable send me an email to set up a time to talk. We can walk through an action plan to get you back on track and I will pray with you and for you daily to ensure you are working through your grief.
Keep the Faith!