What makes me Nervous and Why? Day 15 of May Journal Challenge

It is Day 15 of the May Journal Challenge.  We are 16 days away from being completed.

Today's question is What makes your Nervous and why?

What makes me nervous is losing my rainbow baby, my son Maxwell.  Why because I don't want to experience the pain of losing another child.  I feel like my life has been going from tragedy to tragedy from crisis to crisis over the last 7 years.   In the last 18 months we have not had a hospitalization overnight for our son Maxwell.  Life has been "normal" for our differently abled child.  He is the manifestation of our prayers that he would grow and get stronger and not be hospitalized so much especially during cold and flu season.  Now, 18 months later my fear and nervousness is more heightened because we haven't had a crisis.  I did not realize how much I have been in reaction to crisis mode since Maxwell was born.  But, I had to learn to be ok with being ok that Max is fine, healthy, and thriving.  

My nervousness has to do with fear of the unknown.  What will break this cycle of Maxwell continuing to thrive and remain healthy? What will shake up our family so we have to go into reaction mode?  What can I do in all my power to keep Max safe from being hurt, harmed or in danger?  

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but has given us the spirit of love, power, and a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

I thank God for his love, power, and keeping me in my right mind otherwise I would let my nervousness and fear take over me.

How about you?  What makes you nervous and why?

Your Sister in Loss,
~Erica

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